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2026-01-11

In the beginning

I got my love of music from my Dad – a man who aspired to become a priest until he discovered sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll. He played drums and had a drumset when I was really young, but I don't recall him ever playing it. I'm pretty sure I remember it being tiger-striped finish. He was also a wedding DJ, beginning in the 80s when DJing meant you had to own every album anyone in your network had ever heard before.

He was into hard rock of the time. In my early teens, I remember discovering albums online that I recognized from my Dad's collection. Black Sabbath. Pink Floyd. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I still remember the sense of pride I had when I realized he owned the first four Led Zeppelin albums. All artists I had come to love on my own but was able to share with him from then.

Learning to play

The first instrument I played voluntarily was the trumpet in elementary school band. piano because I thought it was the best instrument to "learn music". I wasn't even sure what I'd do with this knowledge of "music" I was seeking.

I gave up piano because I didn't really like my teacher, I wasn't progressing because I wasn't practicing; I was bored. A year or two later I picked up a guitar, immediately convinced my group of friends that we were a "band". We eventually did become my first real band, but I long for that naivety I had when I was 13 and I didn't give a shit how long something I wanted to do would take.

Making it happen

I was playing guitar in several bands for a majority of 2002-2013. Another plus side to my Dad's wedding DJing was the abundance of audio equipment, which I became obsessed with. We were teenagers -- we didn't have any money to go to a studio. Even if we did, I don't think any of us would've spent that money potentially embarass ourselves in front of of real musicians.

In Burr/Lachrymose, we all kind of learned along the way. Just piecing together intro-verse-chorus-verse-chorus-outro, two-and-a-half minute songs and recording them with a single microphone into a Tascam 4-track cassette recorder.

Then we played a Battle of the Bands. Then we won. We had no idea what we were doing, but fake-it-until-you-make it worked. We didn't play together forever, but none of us forget it.

Guitar was the name of the game for a long time. It wasn't until much later that I started to dabble with Ableton, synths, sequencers, programming drums, etc.

Life takes over

Once I had a second kid, music was removed from the pedestal and packed up into storage. Parenting and career became the prime objectives.

It wasn't until 2018-2019 that I started to dig back in. By then I had offloaded a bunch of the gear I had in my collection to old bandmates and friends. My closest bandmates moved away, the scene had experienced a bit of a collapse. I bought a MIDI keyboard, an audio interface, and ran my guitar into Guitar Rig. I just needed to be playing.

2019-2020 were rough and transformative years for me personally. I had continued gathering up some new gear, but was without direction. My bandmates were still gone, and I was divorced and living on my own. Having 80% custody of kids didn't leave me much time to make noise, but I did when I could.

Gear Acquisition Syndrome

I got bit by GAS again in early 2024. It seemed like local music in Dubuque was having it's day again. Kids were playing at all ages shows again. I wanted to be a part of it. I bought up a whole bunch of new equipment (most of it listed here) and began visualizing HOW I would do this.

All of my previous bandmates were living somewhere new, so I began looking into solo artists who are doing something similiar. I was obsessed with having a fully MIDI-automated rig so that I could switch everything that needs switching with the push of a single button.

The Struggle of Coming Back

These days I'm trying to overcome perfectionism, burnout, overcommittment to things that don't matter as much. I feel like I don't have time to play in a "real band". But I'm going to write like I'm in one.

I miss being young and dumb. I told my son Silas this last night -- he's an aspiring hip-hop artist and of my four children reminds me the most of myself. He's doing what I did in my early days: piecing together whatever he can and putting it out for people to listen. He doesn't have a ton of listeners.